Day 1: And so it begins again…

So the day has arrived that honestly I was hoping would take a little bit longer to arrive. It’s time to start the cycle monitoring & begin the daily hormone injections. The joy! I can’t believe i have to do this all over again, but third times the charm right!

Today was my final day of the Estrace (estrogen) tablets and I just gave myself 3 needles πŸ’‰

in my abdomen which begins the 15-18 day journey towards the egg retrieval. The needles don’t hurt too bad. Over the past few months I’ve grown accustum to them. I really don’t mind the pokes, redness or itchiness. It’s the side effects I dread which include lethargy, fatigue, insomnia, acne, bloating ++, constipation and depression/mood swings. I didn’t realize how much the hormones affected my mood last time until about a month or so later when I started to feel like myself again. Happier, brighter, lighter if that makes any sense. A lot of the anxiety I’m feeling today stems from fear of feeling that ‘down’ and low again. When you get that sad and low it’s hard to pick yourself up again. I’m hoping now that I’m aware of these changes I’ll be more receptive this time around to try and keep moving, socialized and active so as to keep my mood and mindset up/positive. It’s a very hard and stressful thing going through IVF and adding high dose hormones…well I’m sure you can imagine. It sucks! And I’m on an even higher dose (and much higher than the average patient) than i was on last time as this protocol is aggressive, so only time will tell how I do. 🀞

I had to pay for the IVF today- $25,000 gone just like that. Poof- gone with the swipe of a card. 😩 I’m still feeling anxious about it but I know it’s worth every penny & just pray everything will work out for us.

On a positive note I had my initial cycle blood work & ultrasound today and my blood work came back excellent (which means my FSH was lower and that’s mind boggling to me as it’s always super high so makes me think the acupuncture & CoQ10 are doing their job!) and 16 very tiny follicles were seen on ultrasound. There was 9 on the left side and 7 on the right. I’ve never had more than 10 follicles ( follicles dont guarantee an egg but you cannot have an egg without the follicles) so this is a really positive sign! I feel hopeful that we’re off to a good start!! 😁😍 I go back Tuesday morning for my repeat scan and blood work.

I also recently joined a women’s support group through my fertility center and I’ve attended two online webinar sessions with the counsellor and other women struggling to conceive like myself and those who have suffered loss. I am really enjoying the discussion and everyone has been really supportive of one another. Its wonderful to see women supporting women and lifting each other up. It’s also nice to finally feel like people can relate to me and talk with other people in similar situations to my own. Makes me feel less isolated and alone and gives me hope hearing their stories as well!

So overall today has been a day full of many different emotions, both good and bad. Anxiety, excitement, fear, positivity, and a state of calm have all travelled through my mind & body today. I started the day off nervous to be doing this again but hopeful for better results and am ending the day feeling positive for this chance we’ve been given and hopeful this journey will have the happy ending we’ve been dreaming of. Xo Keep sending those positive thoughts and baby dust our way! πŸ’ž

Author: babyforthebaloghs

Married to my high school sweet heart- together 14 years, TTC x4 yrs, Have a kitty named Roxie, Oncology Nurse, Purple hair, outgoing & social, movie/Tv buff, girl gamer, alpaca lover.

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