Day 23: I didn’t even want to write this post…

Yesterday everything went so smoothly. I felt so optimistic, joyful & hopeful. They retrieved 9 eggs which is more than we could have ever hoped for. Then around 9pm last night I started experiencing bad pelvic & abdominal pains, upset stomach, extreme bloating and diarrhea (lucky me 😝). I am showing signs of Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome (OHSS) which is kinda to be expected since I was so over stimulated from all the hormones. The nurse told me to keep an eye & if things get worse to go to emerge…but we aren’t at that point just yet. So even though I spent all night awake and unwell I still felt incredibly optimistic this morning. I sat by the phone nervously waiting for the nurse to call and update us on how many embryos we got. Since we had 9 eggs maybe 6 or 7 embryos?

Nope!! She called and notified us that from our 9 eggs…only 6 were mature & only 3 fertilized normally. She could not answer or explain what happened to the other 3 that fertilized abnormally as the lab only gives them limited information . So in 24hrs we have lost over 66% of our eggs 😢. I’m freaking out. I’m trying to remain hopeful but I’m afraid things are going to repeat themselves like last time…😣😔🙏🙏 I want my miracle too 🦄! I want this for Mike, for myself, for our families….please don’t take it away from us again. 🤰

If we only have 3 embryos by Day 1 of 5….how many will actually make it to transfer day!?! Last time we only had 3 embryos on day 1 also and each day, one by one, they would arrest and stop growing.

(This is the current stage of my 3 👆)

So you can see why I don’t want to be writing this post because it isn’t the news I want to share with all of you. But I promised I would share my story for others not to feel alone & hopefully inspire more conversations around infertility, and that means writing about the good and the bad.

I am afraid we are about to relive the same painful nightmare from back in March. I can’t do that again, how will we survive this time?! And now we will be left with such a huge debt too! *deep breaths* But there is always hope and we will keep holding on to that. And I have my amazing husband so together we can weather any storm.

A friend told me today ‘good things come in three’s’ and that made me think maybe my 3 embies (how i shall now refer to my embryos) is my 3 good things.

Now to anxiously await tomorrow’s call with my update….please bless us with positive news 🍀🤞.

Author: babyforthebaloghs

Married to my high school sweet heart- together 14 years, TTC x4 yrs, Have a kitty named Roxie, Oncology Nurse, Purple hair, outgoing & social, movie/Tv buff, girl gamer, alpaca lover.

5 thoughts on “Day 23: I didn’t even want to write this post…”

  1. It’s not over till it’s over. Remain cautiously optimistic and try to put out into the universe that this is going to happen. They say there’s a lot of power in language. Keep talking positively and do your best to stay focused on a good outcome. I know how hard that is. I know it better than most people. Keep talking to your embies and let them know you’re waiting for them. Xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’ve just caught up on your story. Well done for sharing, it is a difficult thing to do. It’s so hard because we all think ivf is going to work first time and actually the stats are more like 30% success rate, so in theory you need to do it at least 3 times before you get near success. After our first two cycles failed we were given a less than 5% success rate, which was devastatingly pathetic. Of course, as you know, cycle 5 has been our most successful and I’m now 9 weeks pregnant. Cycle number 3 for us saw 8 eggs retrieved, which was the most we’d ever had and we were ecstatic. We figured 2 for a fresh transfer and maybe 3 or 4 to freeze….we ended up with just 1 that fertilised. 8 to 1 was absolutely devastating. I don’t know how we got through that tough time. So I can relate to some of how you feel, it is heartbreaking, because of the expectations you had. Our last cycle resulted in 3 fertilised eggs (the most we’ve ever had). They transferred 2 and the third, which was slow and not great, just about made it to be frozen. The two that were transferred did not implant. We tried the frozen one 5 months later and that is what I’m carrying now – so anything can happen. They know very little about what’s really going on with those embies and when you get a strong one, it can make all the difference. Stay as strong as you can, be so very kind to yourself, take it one day at a time and just keep moving forwards. I’m here if you ever want to chat xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your encouragement. You are so strong to do this 5 times! And im so happy it has worked out for you! 😁 you’re right…the odds always seemed stacked against us dont they. Im praying with today’s update ill hear my little embies are thriving and doing well but im also prepared to hear that they may not be. Hope is ehat we cling to and what will get us through. Hubby & I had a good cry yesterday and im feeling better today and more optimistic. You’re right those numbers are on par what we expect to happen. Its just such a blow watching 9 got to 3 in 1 day! I am hear also if you ever need to chat and looking fwd to following your pregnancy journey! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I never imagined we’d have to do it five times, but we’ve just kept moving day to day, with hope as our anchor. I’m thinking of you and sending lots of positive vibes your way, I hope you get some good news and can move forward again. Take care 💗

        Liked by 1 person

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