*Sensitive post. Video posted may be upsetting to watch. Warning tears are shed*
I’m sharing this very vulnerable private moment I had last week after receiving our heartbreaking news that the IVF had failed and my biggest fears had come true, once again. We are not pregnant. You may wonder why I filmed such a sensitive moment and truthfully I don’t know why. I just pulled out my phone while laying in bed and started talking to myself. And then I listened to myself and I grieved .
Even though many of us battling infertility can smile and appear okay on the outside it often is not at all how we really feel. I speak for many infertility warriors when I say getting through each day without a complete meltdown is an accomplishment. Getting out of bed in the morning can feel like a challenge after having baby dreams all night or even the nightmares of never having them. I haven’t concluded which I find to be worse yet. Infertility is hard. It friggen sucks!
If you know someone who is going through this I encourage you to give them a hug when you see them next and remind them how strong and courageous they are. I assure you it will make that person or couples day. Infertility has been the lonliest battle I have ever endured. I feel like Mike & I have been living in a bubble of our own silently for the past 3.5 years and only recently popped that bubble when I decided to go public with our journey. Honestly its been a relief though. I no longer have to hide my saddness afraid what other people will think of me. I don’t have to force myself to go out when I just don’t feel like it because people would wonder what’s wrong. I can just feel how I feel and not care about anything but how to get through this journey with my husband and come out the other side as unscathed as we can.
Thats why I have chosen to share this video. This is me. This is my pain. I don’t want to hide it anymore. This is my truth. It sucks, it’s ugly at times, it is certainly painful but its mine. Its ours. I own it. And I’m thankful that not every day feels as bad as that one did (in the video below). Today I feel sad & I’m struggling. Today I don’t want to leave my house or be apart of the world. But then I remind myself this is my life and the future is still not written. And that gives me hope.
If you are someone who is struggling reading this; I hope this video reassures you that you are not alone in your saddness and your hardships. And I am rooting for you. Xo
#infertility #ivfjourney #ivfsisters #ttc #dontgiveuphope